I went shopping to buy a gift for a dear friend, her birthday is later in the week and I needed to choose something that could easily be posted as we no longer live close to each other. So, what to buy? We have long agreed not to be extravagant when it comes to our gifts to each other, surely the thought is what counts? My husband suggested ordering something on line which could then be delivered straight to her door but the thought of the clumsy cardboard wrapping, no affectionate words in a well chosen card and I knew that that particular option was definitely not right.
We are both ladies of a certain age, enjoying retirement and with most of what we want and need available to us readily after a life of hard work and careful spending so don’t need any more ornaments, clothes, knick- knacks or books but there is still a desire to mark the birthday or anniversary of those we are closest to. I wondered around the shops becoming increasingly confused, turning my back quickly on the over priced pieces of jewellery and cosmetic products, neither of us is too concerned with designer labels, preferring the treasure hunt of a charity shop to find our bargains.
I gave up the search for a while and sat in the coffee shop pondering on the issue of giving presents and why we do it. As a child I can recall so many disappointments at Christmas and birthdays when well meaning relatives sent badly knitted and itchy jumpers, boxes of neatly folded handkerchiefs or foul smelling cubes of scent for the bath when I longed for chocolate, drawing materials and books, always books. The thought occurred to me that those who excel at present giving are the people who take time to know their friends and families well; they buy for the person, having an instinct for the items that will truly please and often surprise with their thoughtfulness. This then is the very opposite to those who buy the things that they would like to have themselves, as children often do when they first begin to buy small gifts for their parents. I took my grandson shopping last December with his carefully saved money; he bought a book on football heroes for his Daddy, so that they could share it!!
Coffee finished, I made my way to the side streets, the small independent shops and the charity stores and there I found it. A soft, gauzy scarf in white with musical notes and staves printed across the fabric. I would hate to receive this and it would quickly find its way to the back of a drawer but Lucy, she loves music, goes to weekly choir meetings and loves to dress up and ‘look the part’. It was perfect. Most importantly she will know when she opens the present that I was truly thinking of her when I bought it, not going through the motions, not thinking of what would please me, but truly giving. It wasn’t expensive, but wrapped carefully in soft tissue with a beautiful card, I hope that she will realise that I may have moved away physically but she is still a good friend, still in my thoughts.
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